How to learn to refuse people

Failure is an integral part of a person’s life. If people do not say “no”, they will be used by all and sundry. What to do if you feel guilty in refusal? How to avoid unnecessary remorse? Learn how to refuse people.

How to learn to refuse people


  1. Decide if you want to do what you are asked to do. When you have received a proposal, you must clarify for yourself whether you really want to do it. You can respond to the offer only when you have clearly defined whether you need it or not. Tell yourself: “No, I do not need it!”.
  2. Say no to your interlocutor. Do not be afraid to offend a person. If you do everything right, then no offense or obvious anger will follow. Argue your refusal. Give reasons why you can not or do not want to fulfill the request. When talking more often use the pronoun “I”. Speak clearly, not confusing. Do not make excuses, namely, argue!
  3. What is the reason for failure? The reason can be both real and fictional. However, remember that it should be understandable to the interlocutor. He must agree with you and accept your refusal. Do not be rude and do not be cutting. Speak calmly, fix your gaze on the nose of the interlocutor. A fleeting look and uncertainty in the voice can make the interlocutor understand that you are uncomfortable and he will press on you.
  4. Refuse by making a compliment. Refusing, tell the other person something pleasant. For example, you can say: “Great idea, but …”. A person must understand that you want to fulfill his request and, if it were not for the circumstances, you would definitely fulfill it.
  5. Repeat your rejection. Psychologists say that a person needs to hear a refusal three times before he realizes that it is no longer possible to obtain consent. Be patient. At all persuasions respond with a firm refusal. Be calm and keep yourself in hand.
  6. Practice with friends. Ask a friend to pester you with a request. Deny him. Ask him to point out your shortcomings and mistakes in case of refusal: running glance, uncertain voice, softness. Over time, failures will be given to you much easier.

Helpful advice

Remember: when you refuse a person, you do not deliberately offend him, but do what you need.

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